Tuesday, June 29, 2010

How To Survive The Inevitable Success Of My Book: A Seth Fried Fan's Guide To A Post Debut Short Story Collection World, Part 1 of 8,000

Now that I have a book forthcoming from Soft Skull, I'm sure many of you are nervous about what this means for the future. I wish I could say that everything is going to be fine. But the fact of the matter is that, once my collection of short stories is released, people are probably going to freak out. It will be exactly like the movie Road Warrior, but instead of gasoline everybody will be fighting over tattered copies of my ill-advised and yet brazenly erotic former author photo.

But fear not! There are plenty of measures you can take to help prepare for civilization's descent into Seth Fried Debut Short Story Collection Madness. And since I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for all this, I have taken it upon myself to both introduce you to and expound upon these measures:

#1 Build A Bomb Shelter

Make sure your bomb shelter has a roof. I can't stress this enough, as bombs are incredibly adept at coming from above.

Figure One

Bear in mind that your bomb shelter should also have four walls. Otherwise, the result could be equally disastrous.

Figure Two

#2 Blade Fighting

I don't condone violence of any sort, but, once the world falls into chaos, this blade fighting meme might very well save your life.

#3 Obsessively Check This Blog For More Survival Tips

Don't worry! I'm here to help! We've got 7,999 survival posts to go. And just because the world as you know it is about to unravel into some sort of Boschian hellscape that doesn't mean this can't be fun.