Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Your Future Finalist

After giving it a medium amount of thought, I am very excited to announce my candidacy to be a finalist for the National Book Award. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the program, the National Book Award is this thing where they put a foil sticker on your book. Then people buy your book because they like stickers. Needless to say, that sounds like exactly the sort of thing I can get behind. And so here we are.

However, I want to emphasize that I am not announcing my candidacy to win the National Book Award. I only want to be a finalist. I'm not greedy. Also, my book isn't about World War II or anything so I don't expect it to win any major literary awards. But a finalist? Why not? I think Al Roker was a finalist one year. It's like jury duty.

So I don't anticipate it being difficult for my book to become a finalist. But! I really want that foil sticker, so I'm not taking any chances. That's why I'm announcing my candidacy publicly. I wanted to make sure that all you Seth-heads out there would know to cast your votes for The Great Frustration.

Now, I know what you're saying: Seth doesn't have devoted fans who refer to themselves as Seth-heads. And also you're saying: Readers don't get to vote for which books win or are finalists for the National Book Award.

Well, guess what? You've just given yourself two pieces of super wrong information: 1.) No such thing as a Seth-head? Then how do you explain the fact that my brother bought ten copies of my book? Or the fact that my morbidly obese basset hound, Hermione, worships the ground I walk on? And don't try to tell me that she's just looking for food that I may have dropped. 2.) Last time I checked, the US was a democracy. A really, really messed up democracy. Furthermore, the US is a nation and "national" is an adjective meaning "of or relating to a nation." ERGO, the National Book Award might as well be called the Get Your Votes In Award.

So if you'd like to vote for my book, just write the National Book Foundation a strongly worded letter. Or you can tweet at them here:

Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. So when you're recommending my book to them, make sure to be as rude as you feel comfortable being.

That's all for now Seth-heads! I know I can count on your votes.